A year ago today was supposed to be the happiest moment of my wife and I's life. It was supposed to be different. What makes it especially hard is that not only is the holidays near by but also my wifes birthday. This is supposed to be the month of true happiness for us.
Today we went to the cemetary to sing happy birthday to our son. Most days that people see me or hear me dont know the underlying pain. I smile and converse. "What you got planned for the holidays Mel?" "Goin to the Christmas party?" " You get your shopping done?" Average everyday normal things to be said.
Last year my wife and I shopped for funeral clothes for Christmas. We felt invisible amongst all the holiday cheer. People living life so effortlessly in our eyes. Not much has changed in a year. Hard to tell people who think " It will heal with time" or "It will get easier." that those words mean nothing to us. Cause who would want to live with that. That we will get used to the fact our son is dead. That we will never have the first of anything with our son. No first smile when he opens up his Christmas gifts. No first steps. No voice to say "Mom / Dad I love you" Who wants the consolation prize of " you'll get used to the fact with time. "
Even worse is the bitterness that comes along with it. So most days I get to play normal to people because I worry about making people uncomfortable. Which sounds silly cause most days Im uncomfortable. Holding on to make it another day. But another day of what? Which brings us back to the "Time Heals" scenario. And round and round we go...
Heres another crazy fact. I wouldnt know what to say to someone who might be goin through it. I hate to imagine it for someone else. Everything that you could say would be positive and fix it sentences, but how can you fix something that cant be be fixed. How do you not only cope with your own sadness but the sadness of the only person holding you together.
These thoughts that I write here are not who I am. Nor who I truly feel like. Its the battle I have everyday. There are positives and blessings in my life as well as the negatives with a dash of insanity for flavor.
Thanks for reading this if you are still here. This entry is mainly for me. To remind myself that I still have a promise to my wife and our son, and that I will spend the rest of my life fulfilling it.
Happy Birthday Son.
19 comments:
I don't know you personally, Mel, but you're a good man. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't say I've ever experienced anything close to this. I'm not just a fan of your art, but a fan of YOU in general. I hope you smile... some days that's the best thing you can do. Thanks for posting this. You're an inspiring guy in so many ways. Thanks for that.
I came back to see some more of your wonderful art, and was beyond saddened to read this. I want to say something, but....what can anyone say? I'm so sorry for your loss, Mel, and you and your wife are in my prayers tonight.
I'm sorry, Mel, stay strong. You're right, the loss of a child shouldn't get easier. Though I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like. But I'm glad to hear you say that you can still see and appreciate the blessings that are left in this world and in your life. That's truly something I admire and am inspired by. All the best to you and your family...
I do know you personally, and that's why I'm a fan. You inspire me just about every day.
Mel you are a good friend I hope I can be as good to you as you have been to me. Dec. 15th is a tuff day for my parents as well. It was the day my brother was born. three months premature. he didn't last very long. It doesn't get easier. i love my mom and it hurts to see her cry. I can't say that I can feel your pain but I know that my parents do. You'll see your son again I promise.
I'm sorry for your loss. Ican't imagine what you are going through. If any closure can be found, it is a wish I have for you.
Love you bro. You inspire soo many people and I am proud to say I'm one of them. Cat and I send our love. You and Ann are in our thoughts and prayers. And if you two EVER need anything, we're here. Keep inspiring bro. Love and miss you.
I'm so sorry. I hope you find comfort. Not just during the holidays, but all your days.
Hey Mel, I don't really know you, except from your blog and comments, but I've always got a warm sense about you. My heart goes out to you and your wife at this time. God bless.
great blog. . .i really dog ya stuff.
I personally believe you'll see your son again, Mel, and that's a hope that helps me when I miss the people I've lost. I always think, "It's cool, coz I'll just see them later, and we'll ride dinosaurs together in Heaven" (Dinosaurs are all dead too, so I think they'll be there as well.) If that's the case, your son is gonna have a lot of years of experience on you when it comes to dinosaur riding. He'll have to teach you a lot. But wouldn't that be nice?
My wife is in her late 20's and still talks about her brother that passed in less than a week more than twenty years ago. He's real, just like your boy. I know he's proud of you, just as you are of him. He's your boy, always will be. This life is just a bus stop. I can't wait to hang with my loved ones in another time. Best wishes. I'll be thinking of you guys, all three of you. Your artwork is stellar. Keep it up.
Hey man, Ive been away a while. Your blog entry really breaks my heart. It puts all the 'little' things into sharp perspective especially this time of year. Thank you for that perspective. My thoughts are with you and your wife. Have a merry xmas as much as you can my friend.
Jayce
I'm sure it hardly seems fair to wish you happiness when you feel so much grief and sadness, but I want to wish you a Merry Christmas Mel, Ann, & Mekhi. And I hope you had a happy Birthday Ann.
Hi Mel just stopping by to show my support. I just wanted to wish you the best to you and your wife for the holidays. Follow through with your dreams for your wife and son. I have a son that was born premature and his lungs weren't fully developed. He had to stay in the hospital for almost 2 months. He struggled and at times I wouldn't know what I would do if something happened to him. I remember after work I would visit him everyday until he got better. I was really fortunate that he made it through. All you can do is hope for the best. I really do hope for the best for the both of you. Merry Xmas.
Hi Mel,
I was sadden to read your post and I wanted to leave you a comment to give you support at this time. My heart and prayers go out to you and your wife at this time. Thank you for sharing your life and art with us here on the blogs. Your strength is amazing and I have so much respect for you and moving forward. Thank you for sharing, you are truly an inspiration!
~!WoOtWoOt!~
Hi Mel,
I'm behind on my blogs, but I saw this and wanted to reach out and express my sympathies. I know there's nothing I can say that will take away the pain, but I hope that you can find comfort and daily strength in the midst of it.
Merry belated Christmas
PS: He wouldn't like to see his parents sad
My heart and well wishes go out to you, your wife, and your son.
You're one of my heroes Mel, and just like in the comic books, when your hero's vulnerability and humanity shine through, it humbles you and pushes them further up on a pedestal.
That you are kind and genuine shines through in your work and your words, and retaining these qualities is a testiment to your good nature and an example for us all.
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